Writing: About a month ago I submitted a piece to A Practical Wedding (APW)/ Reclaiming Wife. They were doing a month-long topic about being Decided. So I wrote about how El & I had decided to have a baby, and what that looked like afterwards, when the baby wasn’t just in my imagination.
They published it today! You can read it here. I talk about my fears, so if you are going to get upset that I’m concerned about baby, then don’t go read it. I’m so happy that this community of excellent writers and intelligent women thought my writing was good enough. That is really why I’m sharing it on this blog. I’ve been trying to focus on these more creative outlets.
My feelings have grown slowly more to the positive since I wrote this piece, but I think that small fear that somehow I will become less -not more- after having a baby is still here. A lot of women struggle with hormones during pregnancy, but I feel that sometimes society sends a message that if we are not somehow perfect, then we are defective. I also recongnize that as a person who deals with depression that my responses are different. I’m not saying I don’t love this baby, just that to insist that I’m -on-cloud-nine-every-moment is to deny the life shifts that must take place when children enter your life.
To Read: Dear Sugar- The Ghost Ships that Didn’t Carry Us. I love how this article is powerful about what motivates us. It also speaks directly to the children issue, so it’s relevant. I also just really like the sound of that. Dear Sugar has an amazing voice.
Watch: One of the commentors recommended that I watch this interview with Mandy Patinkin (the Princess Bride) and she was right it was awesome. About minute 25 he talks about our fears, and how they are something that we must face and live with instead of run away from. If you don’t feel like watching the quote is:
“I’ve been scared. Fear ran my life, and the greatest lesson I learned… has been to stop thinking that I could run away from fear, of any nature. And I’ve been learning and practicing to invite any and every kind of fear to sit right on my shoulder, give it a front seat… Let it make me shake and sweat and be terrorized. I will eventually get bored with it and proceed… I can’t run away from it. And so I’m learning and practicing to let it be there. And it will be part of my process, work, journey for the rest of my life. But it consumed me so up until this point, and I no longer am trying to escape it. I welcome it into my life, every second. I encourage it.”
Listeing to: Pride & Prejudice (2005) soundtrack. Whatever your opinions are about the 2005 version, kiera knightley, etc. you cannot deny that Dario Marianelli did PHENOMENAL work on the score. It is jaw dropping. I want to hear it in a concert hall, live.